Happy birthday, Zodoff. One full freaking year in DeviantArt is something to celebrate about.

… or not.

You haven't seen me much around here lately, and unfortunately, when you have finished reading this journal, you are not going to see me here at all. I shall remove the address from my bookmarks (or whatever tabs they are called in Firefox) and stop visiting the place for once and for all. This includes not only submitting creations but writing journals, writing comments, favoring (which I never did, by the way), reading/sending notes etc. In case you didn't quite realize: I cease to do any of the things I just enumerated. All hail the glamorous DeviantArt. Long shall it live, since only the good die young.

Why? Basically because I have nothing to do here. I don't do art anymore, I write stories and poems in Finnish (which isn't quite favorable language around here) and more so, I have had enough of giving critique/comments (which I have not done much the past few months). I'm bored to watch other's art. I'm sick and tired in English. In addition, when I stop coming here, I have a place less to visit just because "I have to visit there without any proper reason, I just MUST. Tradition tradition tradition tradition."

Some say I have friends here who care about me and blah, blah. You're are not my friends in a way of a friend (or at least how I understand its meaning!). You can't be. It's impossible to say that people are friends when they don't really know each others. There are no possible ways to study one as a living flesh&blood -person, only as a machine that keeps typing text and hopefully tells the truth about himself/herself (god I really hate English). Although in the future we might have all these cool virtual... things we can use to communicate across the seas like we'd be chatting at the maul, it's not affecting the way we communicate now. I'm fucking old-fashioned in a way, but some people just are. To be a REAL friend you must get involved more deeply than just write letters and push the "Send"-button (this includes me too). I may be the worst speaker ever and still I'd choose to talk others instead of writing. This doesn't change my present opinion about you, so don't be thinking I'm ungrateful or hold in you in contempt, hell no! I have a weird way of thinking but I'm pretty sure you know it already. I like all of you, it's just that the feeling is more likely to vanish off when comparing to "real life". I hope it will not be gone but nothing is too certain, eh?

Even if I think you all as my dearest beloved friends I have ever had, it's unfair that I keep coming here only to keep up my contacts. Unfair towards me and you. I don't have a future here. I'd only linger around watching your art and journals, thinking "what is she really like when she is logged out?". That makes me nearly insane.

End of bullshit. I'm leaving, not coming back. To assure everyone I am serious with this matter, I PROMISE I don't return. I rarely make promises because I never can be certain I am able to keep them, so when I make one, I WILL hold to it at any cost, even if I had to die. It might be the only case where I have a strong will. But that is not the point. The point is to leave. The only thing I leave behind is this journal, sort of an epitaph (no grave for me, thank you. Graves, reserved for monotheistic bastards, pagans, Hindus or whoever, are just a waste of land). You may comment if you wish - anyone who reads this can - but don't expect me to answer. I'm sticking into my decision not to use Dvart anymore.

I'm not running away. You can always contact me through e-mail if you need to. The address at the bottom of the journal. I use my "hotmail" anyway, so it can replace Dvart notes. That is if anything connects us after I have left the club.

This is becoming too long. I just simply needed to say: farewell. May God and gods and gurus and spirits of ancestors and whatever other imagine friends you may have guide our way. Shit, I'm almost sentimental.

Bye.